Why all the Hate for the Duggars?

November 8, 2011

Ok. So I’m going to be controversial.  Just a warning.

I’m just astonished by how many people have this crazy hatred for the Duggars?  Just because they’re having their 20th child??

SO many arguments!

These are the comments that leave me.. dumbfounded:

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Sooo… You’re for Population control??

Last I checked I thought this was a free country?  Should people be only having one child so as to save the planet of the diaper waste?

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Would the death of one of your children stop you from having any more children?? So every woman who miscarries should stop having kids all together….  Right?  wow.

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Ok.  Lets let everyone worry about their OWN carbon footprint.  Why is this any different than 20 houses with one child?  It’s not.  It’s actually better, because they share resources – buy in bulk, reuse by buying used and saving the difference.

This goes right back to the population control issue.  Move to China.

Plus.  I wouldn’t send my daughter on a missions trip alone either?  being a woman alone or even two women alone without an accompanying male in another country is DANGEROUS, and STUPID.  Maybe you’ve never been to other countries?? They don’t exactly respect women the way they do here.

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Wow….  That’s. all.

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Ok.  So yes, she had pre-eclampsia and gallbladder issues with her last pregnancy.  I did too with my first.  Same thing, except I was 37 weeks.  It has no affect on subsequent pregnancies and does not mean that you should stop having children..

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This woman feels that because her three babies were premature and she has hospital bills stacking up, that she should be ENTITLED to a TV spot?? Are all families that have 16 or more kids on TV shows?? I don’t think so.  You’re not entitled to anything.

My Two Cents?

I most certainly think that they are doing what God is allowing them to do.  If it’s in Gods will, all will work out, and when she is no longer needed to produce children, she will no longer conceive.

Just my personal opinion on God’s impact on having babies:  Before Andrew was born, I said we were just going to leave it up to God to choose whether or not we were going to have kids and how many we would have.  I kept that statement until I was exhausted, broke, and was having a hard time dealing with my infant.  I decided around the time that Andrew turned 1 that I was going to go on Birth Control because *I* didn’t want any more kids.  I called and scheduled an appointment with my obgyn, who scheduled me for two months out for an exam.  Not but a few weeks before this appointment, I became pregnant.  I totally believe that God was telling me that *I* don’t have control.  He does.

End Rant.

My favorite POSITIVE Comment?image

…Seriously.  When women stopped teaching their daughters how to be wifes and mothers – this country’s problems doubled.  I totally agree.

I’d love for my boys to find a wife who has been taught to cook and clean and be a wife and mother.  I also want to teach my boys what it takes to help his wife cook and clean and be a good husband and father and a leader in his home.

 

OK.  It’s out there.  Let me have it.

Comments

  1. AMEN! I am so sick of everyone judging everyone else’s decisions. If she is continuing to conceive, then in my views, she is meant to. It’s about time someone posted this!

    • Thanks!

    • I totally agree!
      It’s their life, let them live it. Do I think 20 kids is a bit much? Well, yes. But that doesn’t give me the right to talk badly about them or say that having 20 kids is WRONG. And at least they are raising their kids to be kind, respectful, contributing citizens of society. Which is more than can be said about a lot of people who only have 1 kid – and are raising them without any morals or standards whatsoever, and they will be worthless and damaging to our society.

  2. I’m just shocked at all the harsh comments. They are more of a reflection on the person saying them in my opinion. Seriously, the harshness is so unnecessary.

    Having kids over 35 is disgusting? Like I said….shocked at people’s comments.

  3. I totally agree with you! I believe God keeps blessing them because he is pleased with the way they are raising their children. They are the kindest, most loving and caring people I have ever seen. Those parents genuinely love each and every one of their children. I wish I had the amount of patience and wisdom that they have. If my children turn out half as good as theirs, I’ll be thrilled. God Bless the Duggars!!

    • Exactly! I wish I had the patience and understanding that they have for Children. If I had that much patience my kids be so lucky… haha!

      It’s great to watch them though on TV too because it really does encourage me to have that kind of patience for my kids.

      I was watching them before I had kids and I realized how being calm with the kids even when they’re doing things that are not exactly appropriate for the situation will help them to realize patience and understanding themselves.
      If you freak out at your kids – they’re going to be freak-out kind of kids!

  4. Veronica R says:

    I totally agree with you. Thanks for posting this! I don’t understand all the negative comments when they seem like such a great family with model children.

  5. Mary Michaud says:

    While your points are right, you are missing a huge part of what the Duggar family is. Quiverfull. Yeah, there’s a term for it, and it’s a movement.

    The one woman you quoted twice (Danielle) points out a few attributes common in the quiverfull movement. Older daughters’ *purpose* is to take care of the younger children. Not just *duty*, I’m all for children having duties and chores, including helping with younger children as needed. Danielle is absolutely right that women, especially daughters, are objectified in that subculture and treated as subservient.

    I understand the appeal of the peaceful family-oriented “happy” environment portrayed by this tv show, but please be aware that there’s much more to the Duggars than just choosing to not use birth control.

    There is a small but growing counteraction to this whole quiverfull thing, here are just a few links that might show there’s more than meets the eye here:
    http://nolongerquivering.com/2010/03/08/nlq-faq-are-jim-bob-michelle-duggar-quiverfull/
    http://www.amazon.com/Quiverfull-Inside-Christian-Patriarchy-Movement/dp/0807010731
    http://www.quiveringdaughters.com/2009/09/quiverfull-daughters-little-mothers.html
    http://outofthesilverchair.blogspot.com/2010/07/quivering-daughters-interview-with.html

    • But again… There is really nothing WRONG with Quiverfull. It’s essentially raising their families in very traditional Baptist views – No dancing, no ‘dating’ type stuff as seen way too frequently today..

      “The Duggars are conservative Baptists who endorse the Quiverfull movement. The children watch very little television and their internet usage is strictly monitored. The children are home schooled using a mix of materials, including those of Switched On Schoolhouse, IBLP (produced by controversial Christian teacher Bill Gothard), and Accelerated Christian Education (ACE). Casual dating is forbidden; instead, the older children are taught that a marriage partner should be sought through a form of courtship (which requires the young man to seek permission from the girl’s father to begin the relationship, even if both parties are adults). All meetings between the engaged couple have a chaperone to accompany them and they believe in saving their affections and intimacy, up to and including kissing, for marriage.

      The Duggars raise their children using the buddy system, in which an older sibling assists the younger sibling in daily tasks. According to Michelle, “They help them with their little phonics lessons and games during the day and help them practice their music lessons. They will play with them or help them pick out the color of their outfit that they want to wear that day, and just all of those types of things.””

      So what… the kids help each other out? I don’t see anything wrong in these “movements” as you call them. They are teaching the kids that there for formalities in life, and not just ‘whatever you want, you get… until you change your mind’ like todays modern families.

      Eventually God will provide husbands for the girls and wives for the boys, and there will still be children in the house. Does that mean that Michelle and Jim Bob will be blindsided with what its like to raise children on their own? No. What about what happened with her oldest children? they didn’t have older helpers then, did they – and these adults are choosing the same lifestyle for themselves with their own adult understanding of what it’s like.

      • Mary Michaud says:

        If quiverfull was only what you said it was, I too won’t have a problem with it. Let me back up for a moment – strictly speaking, I have no problem with the Duggars having 20 kids, raising them conservatively, and having the older kids have responsibilities including helping with the younger children. Likewise I agree that the opposing-per-se view of “whatever you want, you get” is bad and unhealthy. So face-value, I don’t have a problem with the Duggars, with the kids, with all that you’ve pointed out and admired.

        But please don’t say there’s nothing wrong with Quiverfull the movement, because it certainly is not just a conservative and traditional Baptist lifestyle. It presents itself as a throw-back to older times when family and values were important, but that’s not really what it is. Quiverfull is about overblown authority, about patriarchy, about strict gender roles and purposes, about seclusion and separation from the world, and a myriad of other fringe things that you would associate more with fundamental muslims or mormons. And before you dismiss me, let me just say that I came out of that, and I know scores of other young people who have been ostracized from their quiverfull/patriarchal families who look just like the Duggar family. Yes, their oldest son has chosen to embrace that lifestyle, and the other kids seem happy and content but that I would contend is from two things – indoctrination and a key ATI/IBLP emphasis on cheerfulness. This article isn’t exaggerating:
        http://nolongerquivering.com/2011/11/10/but-they-look-so-happy/

        • I haven’t heard of the term quiverful before. But just from brief study, it just seems like a pretty fundamental and well practiced/disciplined way of following scripture.

          I could see a mother potentially allowing her ability to have children become an idol or false sense of happiness or pride. But that is no different than anything else in this world! Very low on my list of concerns compared to those mothers fully pursuing their own self interests leaving their family in the dust.

          I could also see strict legalism being part of a problem in the quiverful ideology which can affect those who are subject to it pretty negatively (which probably makes many want to leave it). However scripture teaches constantly about this and warns about the dangers of a strict unforgiving legalistic mentality. Legalism does concern me in regards to the Christian society and culture, however again this is also very low on my list of concerns of our society as a whole.

          It may be possible that I disagree with some beliefs of mormonism, catholicism, or this quiverful belief system. But when these are compared to atheism, leftism, and narcissism….quiverful among others is the very least of my concerns!

          I am not in the position to judge or correct the Duggars, as I don’t know their hearts. Since I only see good emanating from their family, I have nothing bad to say about them.

  6. Are you people kidding ME!!! First of all Leave God out of it. anybody can have a baby once a year. Don’t talk that trash about it being God’s will. It is sad that these kids are being sheltered from the real world from a real school and interacting with other children that are NOT part of their family dring the day. I am sorry but it’s completely wrong when you are sick to make the younger teanage girls school the smaller ones. And there is NO WAY you can tell me she isn’t having more kids BECAUSE of the show. The fact that she is “Teaching” the girls to be wives and daughters is BS. She has her hands WAY too full so she relys on the other children to take care of them. Basically they are raising a cult. I could only imagine what goes on off the air.

    • Wow. You are exactly what I am talking about.

      Ok- God aside.

      She is simply doing what your great grandparents did when they were raised. They didn’t have birth control.. They taught their girls to be helpful and honorable and cook and clean and taught their boys to change the oil and mow the lawn and do ‘manly’ work. So what are they doing different??

      You think that they continue to have kids because of publicity?? They have enough publicity without the extra kids. Have you ever been near one of their book tour stops? They’ve got HUNDREDS of thousands of interested people… and their book deals, etc.. are based on information that they have already acquired over the years of having so many kids and making it work. They’re simply writing down the wisdom that they have gained, and sharing it with the world. They don’t need another kid to write another book.

      My grandma was the oldest of several children,and learned to care for the younger children as well. Not because their mom was trying to raise a cult or do publicity – but because that’s what life was like.

      It’s just not ‘acceptable’ any more because this world is all about the ‘ME’ now – how dare you teach your child to help others less fortunate and how to care for others, especially your family. See how stupid that sounds?

  7. I’m not sure what you mean by this:
    “…Seriously. When women stopped teaching their daughters how to be wifes and mothers – this country’s problems doubled. I totally agree.”
    I’m hoping I am just misunderstanding and it’s not what it sounds like.

    They can do what they want, but I do feel bad for the older-but-not-grown kids who have to basically raise the little ones.

    • This is from a few comments below you – but I thought I’d bring it to your attention: This is how I feel:

      “It is heartbreaking that the majority of people in our country do not value the sanctity of life, marriage, and family life. ”

      “It is so very sad that valuing these things has become so stigmatized. The Feminist Movement may have helped women in the workplace, but it has done irreparable damage to the family.”

      When I was growing up, my single mom ‘raised’ both of us while working 2 full time jobs and one part time job. I learned to cook things like macaroni and cheese, and ramen noodles on my own.
      When I got married? I had NO idea what a functional family life looked like. I had no idea how to make a ‘MEAL’.
      I knew how to work hard outside of the home – that I had to go to college so as not to rely on a man to take care of me and my children – and that’s about it.

      So now that I’m learning how to be a faithful servant of God, a wife, cook meals, mother children, and prepare a home… It’s tough.
      I sure wish I had some examples to go from, because the working perfectionist inside of me is wanting a Martha Stewart home – but I know that’s not what its about. It would have been nice to get the practical lessons in mothering, cooking, cleaning, etc.

  8. I think the Duggars are amazing parents. If you have watched the show you know the genuine love and respect that is shown to each individual in that family. Her parenting techniques are wonderful and I’ve tried to use those same ideas on my own 2 kids. I love that she always speaks softly to her children. I think family is the most important blessing in this world and obviously they think so too. They sincerely love each child and not just the parents you can see it in each of the children. The older children don’t look like they resent each of the smaller ones passed say the 10th child. I also think it’s great they have the show and gives the children wonderful opportunities. If you watch the children when they travel you will notice how socially comfortable they are at these big church events they attend. I kind of thought they might have that awkwardness like some extreme church goers have. I’m not sure I support having more due to the health of baby and mother but it just shows how important children are to their family which is wonderful. If anything did happen to the mom I think any one of those girls or boys would jump in HAPPILY take full responsibility for their siblings. I would do the same for my family. I also think it’s wonderful the skills all the children have not just in homemaking but the paramedic training and midwifery, the only thing I wish they would do for their kids is encourage further education out side the home and let the kids grow a little on their own in the world around them, discover their own personal interests that way. And let them dance, I think their values are strong they could handle it.
    -Whew that is long! Sorry!

  9. Vickie Couturier says:

    The Duggars have always paid their own way,even before the show,,they do NOT get any state assistance,none,can many say that,whom only have one or two children,,is it for me,NO,,I had 2 an adopted our foster child an that made 3,,I havent read anywhere that they were asking for anyones approval,,the Bates family are expecting their 19th child,,,no negative comments on them?back in the day before the “pill”ppl had large families,,,my opinion is as long as it isnt costing me anything like the octomom did,,,then its thier business an not anyone elses!

  10. For the most part, I agree with what you have said. Personally, I think that is too many kids just because you depend on the older children to raise the younger (and I’m not saying they mind!), and I feel children should get more individual attention from their parents. I also would have concerns health-wise if it were me. That being said, I also *catch this everyone* feel like it’s NONE OF MY BUSINESS!

  11. Vanessa S. says:

    I have never seen the show or the facebook page (didn’t realize one existed, but I should’ve guessed one would), but I have benefitted from the Duggar Family’s website. They have an abundance of information on making your own laundry soap and other ideas on how to save money for your household. I think it is honorable that they are seeking God’s will for their family and trying to help others do the same. It is heartbreaking that the majority of people in our country do not value the sanctity of life, marriage, and family life. I agree with the positive comment that you posted above, and I wish that I had more skills as a wife and a mother. I felt pressured by society to earn a college degree before thinking of marriage and family. I definitely see the value in higher education, but now that I am a mother, my goals have shifted entirely to wanting to create a positive home environment for my family, making nutritious meals, and raising my children to love God and others. It is so very sad that valuing these things has become so stigmatized. The Feminist Movement may have helped women in the workplace, but it has done irreparable damage to the family. That’s my opinion 🙂

    • Couldn’t have said it better myself.
      Thanks 😀

      “It is heartbreaking that the majority of people in our country do not value the sanctity of life, marriage, and family life. ”

      “It is so very sad that valuing these things has become so stigmatized. The Feminist Movement may have helped women in the workplace, but it has done irreparable damage to the family.”

  12. Thank you for this post. First of all, I hate that people try to say that this world can’t accommodate that many children due to limited resources. I think that’s ridiculous. I bet the majority of people who bring up that argument aren’t even living a life that minimizes THEIR impact on the world, so that’s hypocritical, if you ask me. Also, I think their children are well-adjusted, well-behaved, responsible, and are more likely to do good in this world than to be a “hindrance” on society of some sort. I don’t agree that they ONLY teach their daughters to be mothers and wives. I’ve seen their daughters volunteer at the fire station, etc. I heard one daughter wants to become a midwife. I believe that any of their daughters would be able to pursue the education or career of her choosing. Also, I can’t believe that woman (who says doesn’t even watch the show, so I don’t know how she’d even know this) thinks they teach their daughters to be subservient. Every child in that family has great respect for their mother. How is that teaching their children that women are subservient?!! I can’t believe the amount of patience and love those parents have for their kids. That being said, I worry just a tiny bit about how much child raising their older children have to do. It teaches them to be responsible, yes, but I am a little concerned about the older kids having to do so much of what should be the parents’ responsibility.

  13. When I look at these folks, I just get tired.

    If you have 20 kids, how can you spend any significant amount of time with each, individually?

    • haha! You find ways. It’s not like every child needs to have constant mommy time… They get their time with their parents in small group settings and individually as well.

  14. Thank you for this post. I am really shocked by all the plain right nasty comments being made about the Duggars. You don’t have to support them but you also don’t have to be so nasty. I feel like a lot of people who are posting these things don’t even really watch the show and don’t really understand what goes on in their life and house (none of us really do, just b/c we see them on TV doesn’t mean we really know them). A lot of the comments I have read do not even seem to be true to me, as someone who watches their show. Also, I believe that the Duggars do use Cloth diapers (at least part time) Rumparooz if I am not mistaken and I also I believe I remember seeing on an episode that they do encourage and are allowing the older children to choose whatever kind of college education they want (I think most of them are pursuing online college courses). I think that they are a wonderful family and they can make their own decisions about the number of kids they have. It can’t be that bad to live in the Duggar Family considering the fact that their eldest son seems to want many kids, like his parents.

  15. I’m very excited for the Duggars. I also believe this is all up to God. My husband and I don’t believe in using contraceptives either, and God has not supplied us with more than we can handle.

  16. Mechele Johnson says:

    I just think that to each is own. I think that they seem to have well rounded children and are really great parents, therefore, if they can handle and want more children so be it. I do think however, that someone like perhaps the Octo Mom, should probably not have that many children. I actually can admit that if I had the finances, and the help, I would have 20 children myself! I love my 5 and always sit and wish and dream for another, however, 5 is all we can handle.

    • LOL!! Me too. I said (before we had kids…) I either want 1 kid… or a WHOLE bunch. But. Being that we can barely afford the two that we have… I’m sorta hoping that we stick with the two. But we shall see.

  17. THANK YOU for writing this. I have a lot of negative comments about the Duggars, and I don’t think what they are doing is wrong.

    God is the one who is in control of who has children and who doesn’t. My husband and I used birth control and had a surprise pregnancy, but I know others who have been trying for months or years and don’t have children (which is so sad). I’m thankful for the one blessing I currently have, and hope that my husband and I have more blessings.

    I love this, “I’d love for my boys to find a wife who has been taught to cook and clean and be a wife and mother. I also want to teach my boys what it takes to help his wife cook and clean and be a good husband and father and a leader in his home.”

    Thanks again.

  18. I agree! There was a time, when people had big families and guess what the kids helped out and that meant changing diapers, cooking, doing chores. Youth today, have it to easy and that is why we have a major “ME” generation. A generation that feels everything should be handed to them. At least the Duggers are raising kids, who don’t seem to selfish.

    • I completely agree with you, Amanda! Perhaps if teenagers of this generation and those of the past sixty years or so had been brought up with more responsibilities (myself included), we would have more philanthropy, more selflessness and less of a focus on instant gratification. I feel that large families are beautiful, and I am blessed to have some model families in my life who I greatly respect and hope to raise children as well-behaved and responsible as the Duggars’ and those of my friends.

      • Reading your comments on this post, I can tell you have a marriage very similar to mine. I’m trying my best to be the Christian wife God intended me to be and I’m learning as I go. It’s not easy and I hope to pave the road for my daughter, so it will be easier for her. It’s nice to see someone with similar values.

  19. Yes! Although I don’t personally agree with every little choice they make in raising their children…it’s their family to raise! The Duggers may be a large family, but they’re loving and they’re responsible citizens. They care for their children properly, each of their children is probably making a significantly smaller impact on the environment than most children from smaller families because they do things like buy used, buy in bulk, and reuse. They do things for themselves rather than expecting anything from others. They help others in need. They’re just good people! The world could use more good, loving people! But that’s just my opinion. 🙂

  20. My objection is she has so many that the older children basically parent the younger children.

    I had a friend that went through that and it robbed her of her childhood. It’s not fair to have so many children without considering how it will affect the children you already have.

  21. I just want to know how Michelle and Jim Bob even find alone time to MAKE babies! lol but I have no problem with them at all, and I think they have a wonderful family. I think a lot of families, including mine, could learn a lot from them.

  22. Gladys Parker says:

    This has gotten way to deep for me but my opinion is God will only give you what you can handle. I know I have 4 children, 2 mentally challenged. I rose the question Why many times. Why am I so overwhelmed? Why do I have the children that need so much extra attention? Why Why Why. Well because I wasn’t raised like the Duggars or anyone like them. I was allowed to do anything I wanted. I wasn’t taught to be a wife or mother. The mother part I learned because I had to I loved my children, the wife part I decided not too I wanted things my way. Well I received things my way. Four children newborn to 10 (mental age 5) My youngest had severe problems and their father wanted out. By the time I woke up my hands were way too full. I tried hard to teach my children different. My daughter is a great wife and a wonderful mother of three. One of my boys is just finishing college and the other 2 takes care of themselves and will always be the same. My daughter learned how to be a mother by helping with her little brother, not mothering him just helping as I was becoming disabled. I am very proud of her. If I had it to do over again I would pray my parents raised me much stricter, more like the Duggars. I don’t agree 100% percent with their movement but the world would be much better off if we raised our children like we lived in 1911 instead of 2011.
    Gladys P

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